“Nice Girl”

So about a month ago I wrote a post about Nice Guys and it got a lot of views and sparked some interesting conversations.

I had one conversation with someone I know from University about some of the traps we nice guys and nice girls fall into.

I’ve been thinking about it  a fair bit this week, as I find myself falling into these traps.

While I was able to sit here and write my post about nice guys and spout advice for people about taking chances, going for what you want, I cannot for the life of me follow my own advice or do as I say.

I am the nice girl and here are my biggest problems:

For one, I’ve never really put any energy into not being single. Being single hasn’t ever bothered me and I’ve always kind of worked on the naive premise that when I met the right person it would just work out. Either he’d be very forthcoming about his interest in me, or I’d magically have all the nerve in the world to make my move (haha can’t see that one happening).

So I’ve never really put any effort into relationships. My next problem is that I am hopelessly clueless. I swear a guy could be hitting on me and I wouldn’t have a clue. Ok not entirely true, I always knew when the creepy drunk was making an attempt to  hit on me, but if any ‘normal’ ‘nice guy’ has ever show any interest in me, I’ve been entirely oblivious. This is how bad it is, when I’m out with my Mom she points out when a guy is supposedly hitting on me, though I’m not entirely convinced that his hitting on me isn’t just a byproduct of her wishful thinking. Anyways though, I am clueless, unless a guy tells me “hey, I like you” I’m really not going to pick up on anything. It’s kind of the same with my flirting, apparently according to some friends of mine, I am a flirt and I don’t even know it. I’ve always had a lot of guy friends, so I’m really comfortable with the male species, but apparently some of my standard behaviour is considered flirting. I don’t even realize flirting when I apparently do it!

My next problem, I am an excuse maker. I find reasons not to take chances. For example, my entire dating history has been built upon me making moves, and it hasn’t worked out well to this point, so I figure it’s time to let someone else make the first move. Or, I meet a great guy, but I see him a lot, so I won’t take a chance, because that would make seeing him often really freaking awkward if he didn’t reciprocate my thoughts/feelings. Or the standard, he wouldn’t be interested in me. I know I am a great person and one hell of a catch, I just tend not to believe there is anyone out there perceptive enough to realize that.

I also have a contradiction happening in the way I think about relationships. I want to date someone who I can be good friends with as well. I want to start a relationship by talking to a person, getting to know them and creating a quasi-friendship. Sounds great right (0r maybe not, maybe that’s really stupid)? But if you are friends with someone, moving from friends to more than friends is something most people (well me at least) avoid. We nice people come up with excuses like “I like him/her too much to screw this up”; “I’d rather have him/her in my life as a friend than not have him/her at all”; or my favourite  “he/she doesn’t see me that way”.

We nice guys and girls, while we can be incredibly confident people and know we would be great for someone, we find reasons to basically sabotage our romantic lives out of a paralyzing fear.

I think I drive my best friend nuts. He thinks pretty highly of me (as far as I can tell) and (I think) he believes I deserve a really great guy. But I drive him nuts because I’ll tell him about a great guy that I’ve met and he’ll ask me if there is potential for anything and my answer is always no, with some crap excuses as to why.

This nice girl can give you some great advice, she just doesn’t know how to take any of it.

 

** PS I’m exhausted and it is probably not a good idea to blog when I am this tired and self-reflective haha

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5 responses to ““Nice Girl”

  1. Pingback: Local Blogs – 2011/08/28 – From My Bottom Step

  2. Does this make you the nice girl or the clueless girl? Not clueless in a bad way but in a “I just have trouble spotting it” sort of way. I think when guys think of nice girls, they think of someone that doesn’t freak out about things, doesn’t become jealous, can take a joke, can be direct and not lead people on, can not be a total constant attention-whore,….someone you can just hang out with and be cool with.
    A nice girl is someone with a good heart. That’s my take anyway.

    • I am the nice, slightly relationship clueless, girl. I think what you said pretty much describes me perfectly. I am very low key, it takes a lot to make me freak out; I don’t see the point in getting upset over something silly. I’m not really a jealous person and jealous girlfriends drive me nuts. My best friend is a guy, so I’ve dealt with the jealous girlfriends and I pride myself in not being like that. I can take a joke and be direct and I don ‘t need attention all of the time. Some attention is nice, but some time alone is good too. I value friendships and I think that when you’re in a relationship it is still important for the two people to have their friendships outside of the relationship. I like to think I have a good heart and I think people who know me would agree that I do. I’m looking for someone I can just enjoy hanging out with, because that is more who I am. But I am horrible at spotting a guy who is interested in me. I can spot it for other people, but not myself.

      • That’s awesome that you’re like that then.

        Like my comment about nice guys, I think there is a potential danger about nice girls too. They often are confident and trying to do things the best they can, but they often do have a little cluelessness which helps them drive men crazy (in a less that good way). Like I knew this girl that was super nice and fun to hang out with and down to earth; and she was breaking this other guy’s heart because she was just happy go lucky and he was smitten and she was clueless about it.

        It’s also important to know that nice girls are usually the last to know that they’re nice. Most of the nice girls I know are really hard on themselves. Say, that does describe you a bit.

      • I don’t think I have ever driven anyone crazy because they were smitten and I was clueless, but then again I am clueless, so maybe I am wrong lol. There are definitely pitfalls in being the nice girl. One is that we fall into the ‘friend’ category so often, that we begin to assume that is the category we will always fall into, thus we become completely clueless to the advances of nearly ever man.

        It’s funny to look at the difference in how we define a nice girl vs. a nice guy. I think people often think of the nice guy as being a bit of a pushover or doormat ( I don’t, but many have said that) and conversely they think of a nice the way you have defined her, sweet, but a clueless unintentional heartbreaker. Funny isn’t it?

        I think girls in general are often hard on themselves (probably more so the nice girls), but that’s a whole other blog post about media’s influence on the feminine identity.

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